Fifteen bonus points to the son of my friend Mary who showed me this outstanding video on understanding the tenth dimension. Thanks Dallin!!
And now, exclusively on The Secret of Newton, I'd like to announce the world premier of the first ever mental WebEx (mWebEx), where your computer isn't seeing what is happening on another computer screen, but your mind*. What follows is a transcript of my thoughts as I watch this Tenth Dimension video.
OK, I'm turning on the mWebEx device now.
[Insert sound of static, resolving slowly into a clear beep indicating that the connection is secured]
[Begin Thought Transcription]
Chicken pot pie! Chocolate covered raisins! Glazed ham!** What? Oh! The mWebEx has started!!! Oops. OK, I'm going to start watching the video.
[Video starts with a point on a piece of paper]
First dimension. Piece of cake (weird I'm thinking about food a bunch. Darn, can they hear that?) OK, that's easy. 1D here we go, just a point, infinitely small. Like that plate of ravioli I had for dinner tonight. Man that was good, but the serving sizes could've been bigger than a spec. Shoot! Back on track, man! You have the world wide web of information listening to you ramble. C'mon! Right. Take that point and connect it to another by a straight line, to make the first dimension. Easy squeezy.
[Video draws intersecting line]
No problem. Second dimension. Blah, blah, blah. I should've been an astrophysicist. This stuff is so simple.
[Video shows flatlander being dissected by his digestive track.]
That's gotta hurt. How does the pour sap drink his coffee? Man, I'd get a raging headache if I was a flatlander and couldn't drink coffee.
[Video shows 3D human.]
Length, width, height. 3D. Sheesh, is this Sesame Street or what? I thought I was going to learn something from this video. And man! they're skimping on the computer animation. No color even? Cheapskates... There had better be a car chase scene. Or that this is like a Sixth Sense deal where you learn that the guys is a ghost.
[Video: "You fold one dimension to get to the next higher dimension"]
Umm, alright.... I get that mostly. Gears are turning just a little bit. OK, this is getting interest. Fold the second dimension to move through the third dimension.
[Video: "Duration" is the word that describes the 4th dimension]
Yeah... folding....When am I going to fold that huge pile of laundry on my couch? Maybe I could fold it through the fourth dimension and it will be done in the future and I won't have to worry about folding it now. That would be sweeeet! Maybe I will learn something after all from this video.
[Video: "If you were to see yourself in the fourth dimension it would be a long undulating snake"]
Alright, that looks nothing like a snake. More like a slug. So he's saying the 4th dimension is a slug? What???? This guy has no clue what he's talking about. Snakes look like snakes. Not slugs. C'mon buddy, get your analogies in line.
[Video: "You're unaware of motions in dimensions above and below you."]
Yeah, like that mullet I had in high school. I'm completely unaware of why the "me" in the past EVER thought that was a good idea. With my yearbook picture alone that "old me" chump completely shot down the political career of the "future me". Thanks buddy! Get a hair cut, why don't you!!!!
[Video: "Quantum physics tells us that subatomic particles are collapsed from the waves of probability simply by the act of observation."]
Ummm.... OK, that was an abrupt transition. We just went from Sesame Street to Stephen Hawking's Lucasian Chair lecture at Trinity College. Alright, hang in there Brian. You know what subatomic particles are, you know what probability is, you know what observation is.... Umm...I think I just reached that point when you are walking deeper into a very, very cold pool of water. Eeep!
[Video: "Intermittent wave of probable futures"]
Hang in there Brian.... take deep breaths. He's just saying that the 5th dimension gets collapsed down into the fourth dimension by actions and choices... Right? I think I understand. So if I choose not to grow a mullet today, then I'm eliminating years of humiliation and shame tomorrow as a path in my future. Right? Right? Hello? Echo echo echo echo.... I've got to concentrate... concentrate... concentrate***....
[Video: "What if you wanted to go back in time and visit yourself as a child."]
Yeah! With some scissors!
[Video: Fold the 5th dimension through the 6th dimension.]
OK, so what is that genius invention that kid has in the video? Looks like a possum trap! Not sure if that would make that kid wildly rich, but it would sure take care of some critters in my basement!
[Video: To imagine the 7th dimension, treat all of the possible outcomes of the universe as a single point that includes all possible time lines]
Owwww! Owww! My head is starting to ache!!
[Video: Infinity is a point in the 7th dimension.]
Grrrrrr!! Owwwww!! I think my head is splitting apart!!!
[Video: Different universes set up with different initial conditions than are represented byother points of infinity.]
[Puddle of drool and glazed look in my eyes, which are going slightly crossed. To retreat I start singing the Barney song.]
I love you. You love me. We're all part of a family. With a great big hug**** ....
[Video: Enter the eight dimension by drawing a line that branches off the line connecting two points of infinity within the 7th dimension.]
[Smoke now coming from my nostrils. Train of thought is now purely random images from my life.]
Huffy Thunder Road bicycle... penny loafer shoes... tank Atari game...
[Video: As we enter the 10th dimension imagine all of the possible time lines from all possible universes as a single point within the 10th dimension.]
Beef stroganoff... Volkswagen bug... pinewood derby car.
[Video: In String Theory, physicists tell us that that vibration of superstrings in the 10th dimension are what create the subatomic particles which make up our universe.]
[No thoughts. Just large puddle of drool. End mWebEx transmission.]
The Fine Print
*This will make a fine Cool or Creepy post some day.
**Ten bonus points to the first person to identify the source of this quote.
*** Three bonus points to you for naming the movie where this came from.
****Subtract 10 bonus points if you know any more of this song.