Free Comedy Gold from Craig's List: Banned from Ebay

The second gem in a new serial feature at TSON from the free classifieds of Craig's List.  Verbatim.  

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Free - HUNDREDS of bubble envelopes / mailers (used) 

Literally HUNDREDS of USED bubble mailer envelopes. 

All used, but still re-usable and in excellent condition. Nice variety of sizes: mostl #2's (approx 8.5" x 11") but many smaller and larger ones too. There's a 33 gal. bag FULL of them, so there's easily 100-200+ of these mailers in there.  I don't want to landfill these, so please help me be GREEN and put them to good use! Ebay note: If you plan to use these to ship items sold by ebay, you MUST remove or black-out my name/address on these mailers. I have been permanently banned from using ebay. If one of your buyers sees my 'handle' and reports you, ebay will permanently ban you as well! No questions asked.  And you can't appeal their decision. Don't risk it, just grab a sharpie and black-out my name. I had this curbside, but weather has forced me to bring it in. If you're interested, please email me and we can set up a time for you to pick it up. THANK YOU

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I'm offering, for a limited time, 5 bonus points for other items you think is comedy gold from Craig's list.   Act now while supplies last!  And, as the big prize, I'm offering 10 bonus points to the person who invents the best background story to this poor soul banned from Ebay.